Date from Hell

When most people think of getting something to eat on, say, a first date, they usually think of going to a safe joint like a pizza place or a cafe. Following this train of thought it might seem that a place like McDonalds would be okay, right?

Well, I considered what a date at a place like the Cheesecake Factory might be like, menu-wise, and transferred the menu choices to a less pricey McDonalds palate. It would go something like this:

Drinks and Appetizers:
2 medium cokes $4.00
2 Ceasar salads $10.00
(no such thing as McSoup) - $0.00

Entrees:
1 Big Mac (guy) - $3.00
1 6-piece chicken McNuggets - $3.00
1 Quarter pounder (gal) - $3.00
1 Fish filet $4.00
2 large fries - $4.00
2 Coke refills (?) - $3.00

Dessert & Coffee:
2 Apple pie - $1.00
2 Strawberry shake - $4.00
2 McCappacinoes - $6.00
2 McCoffee refills - $2.00

This comes to a rough grand total of:
$50.00, if you want to be cheapo.

I dunno. I'm sick of figuring.
Where's an extension cord?

Pizza Pie Electric

Eating is possibly one of the most disgusting things people can do. Who the hell thought up eating in groups? Y'know, it's like, maybe, four people get together and decide together that they want a pizza pie with all the toppings extra cheese. Then this 2-foot circumference plate, hot, comes out of a back room and all hands dig in. The cheese stretches from pan to mouth while bits of green pepper and mushroom fall to the lap. Mouths are stuffed and nothing is left but cornmeal crumbs. DISGUSTING!!

Now what I'd like to see is something like Electric Food. Let's replay our little scenario using electric food technology. First, a group of friends get together and decide they'd like a pizza pie with everything. Next, a pan comes from the back of a restaurant trailed by an electric cord. Then, everyone in the group surrounds the pan, which has been placed on a table of medium height. Everyone is exposed to an electric smell which is inhaled tremendously. The image of the pizza pie flickers on the hot plate and suddenly disappears. NO MESS, NO FUSS! Cokes all around.

Cross Walkers

WHAT has come over this American nation?!!? To be more specific, why is it that everytime I walk down the street there is always some pedestrian traffic trying to cut me off? It's like this: I'll be walking down the street when suddenly oncoming foot traffic directly crosses in front of me to walk on _my_ right side.

Y'know, it's like when I was growing up in school we kids used to get videoes that showed how to walk down the street without getting hit by automobile traffic. Now, though, it seems, that there is an undercurrent movement to walk deliberately on the right of oncoming traffic. That is, against traffic. It seems that pedestrians in Boston just don't know even how to drive. I need to have a one-on-one personal chat with President Obama.